You Won't Understand ...

Tonight tears started coming out of my eyes from nowhere. I am not well today. As those tears were falling, they were reminding me of all the things or thoughts I can't explain to anyone. Or you can say I can't explain atleast to the people around me. They didn't stop. Unexplained thoughts and hidden feelings have crossed my entrance exam ranking and nothing is getting better. Still few people do question me 

"Why won't I/we understand ?"

Let me tell this now ...

Dad you won't understand because you think if everyone can do it why can't I? Because you want me to do what everyone does and still not be like everyone.

Maa you won't understand because everything is not about a healthy body but also about a healthy mind. 

My friend(who is in same field) you won't understand because you think you are also going through the same thing and its not that hard as I make it appear. I need to chill and relax. Don't refuse to acknowledge that I can also make terrible choice. "You are exaggerating. It was not that bad. You are good. Everyone likes you."

My friend(in other field) you won't understand because not every experience of yours can't match mine. You cannot always start like , " So something like this also happened with me ......"

You cannot always think this like a opportunity to one-up me and be like ,"That's nothing listen to what happened to me one time!" May be you are trying to tell it's not that worse but it isn't helping.

You won't understand because you never stepped into my shoes. You never heard about that teacher of mine who wrote and even spoke like doctor's prescription. You never met my classmates who would score full even without studying. You have not experienced my college that teaches me the same things in online mode as they would in offline. And still expect me to know what i might have known through experiments done by me. 

I wish my teachers and my parents for once faced this. Then they would know what it feels like to be the real first once to experience college like this. 

Yeah we are the first batch to experience our first year like this. No one to really tell what is better what is not. 

Strange is the fact that after so much happening around for mental health, academics are so important that you have to face 4 back to back semester without holidays. Thats really soo good for mental health. Or might be good for those who will still earn from this. 

Your mental health will be better if you study continuouly. It would be better if add extra classes to that also because course is more important. It would be better if we cancel all the events so you can better prepare for studies. Wait we will have few events to show to government that yeah college is providing "complete overall" growth to the country's future.

See even i don't understand in what direction I turned this into. But anyway nobody will understand until they go through the same situation. Show some acceptance and just say I understand you won't understand and always be there for yourself. Someday you might also find someone who might understand.   

A last one ...

Stranger you won't understand because i don't talk to you and you don't know the context and obviously because you don't comment down. 

P.S. You need not to understand me, just go talk to your brother, sister, mother, father or friend. Be the one till you find one. Might be you can help them and mine can help me :). Don't let the world have a shortage of dry pillows.